I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize