brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
