if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
