Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
time to smoke my breakfast
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize