defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He shit in the fireplace
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
