my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
