i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Randomize
