I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
