I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
