I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
