1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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