I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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