I've blown a few things in my day
i love accidental penises.
My pussy is not your playground.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
