Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
