thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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