I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
