Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This house was built for laser tag.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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