MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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