I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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