i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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