Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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