just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
