your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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