he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i drank out of a bidet.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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