Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize