Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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