I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize