u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
