I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
