I just threw up on my dentist
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
