K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
