If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize