i don't like sucking hair
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
