Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
