Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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