You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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