The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
