Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
