no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
