He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
