You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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