How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
