you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
