I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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