Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there was a trapeze. enough said
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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