standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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