there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
