I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
