I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize