I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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