dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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