Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
