im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
