swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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