Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
