oh god the rape fog is back!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
