would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm passing your future prison.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
