Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
