dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
