On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize