He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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