I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
