ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
