No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
