I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
