Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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