I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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