Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
false alarm. still invincible.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
