The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
