You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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