Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
