i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
