R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
