so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
