There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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