If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
