he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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