Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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