grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
