I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
