hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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