Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
