she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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