The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
