How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
