i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
