At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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