had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
