I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
