I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
