My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize