you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
