Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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