They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
