I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
