evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
