My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
