I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
