i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
