i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
