I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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