I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
